As I jumped out of my bed at 5:00 am this morning, I was pumped to go to my first Pilates class. I slapped on some yoga pants and ran around frantically trying to collect what I needed for the day: gym bag, book bag, work clothes, etc. Falling out of my door loaded with way too much baggage, I skipped up to my car, plopped everything in and drove to the gym in the pitch dark.
I took the highway to get to the gym and almost ran off the road because I was daydreaming, or maybe more like half asleep, which woke up whatever part of me had still been asleep. Wide awake, I bounce into the gym one minute late. One minute! I wanted to get there a few minutes early to do some cardio before class, but I wasn't going to sweat it (pun intended). I strolled into class a little lost and bustling with excitement. I plop my stuff down slowly as to avoid disrupt the mood and tone that was well established by time I got there.
I grabbed a mat, laid down and got myself in sync with the rest of the class. Well I tried to anyway. At first, I wasn't breathing much, I was staring all around and I was paying very close attention to one of my classmate's finesse and range of motion. A few minutes into class, I realized that everyone else was at ease and I was concentrating so hard, breathing so little and looking around and thinking way too much. I closed my eyes, listened to the instructor and focused intently on the music. I was no longer concerned with whether or not I was doing it right. It was as if the teacher could sense my epiphany as she said, "Just breathe. That's all you have to do. Breathe in and breathe out. The rest will come. Just inhale, exhale and repeat."
Just breathe. Just breathe?? That's an interesting concept. You would think that breathing comes naturally. I mean, we do have to do it in order to survive and all, but breathing is much harder to do than one might think. With so many demands, so much to manage, so much to think about, so much to do and never enough time, I usually forget to breathe. Actually, I always forget to breathe. I am rarely as cool as a cucumber, in fact, I can be one of the most tightly wound people out there.
I envy those who have a natural ability to be "laid back" or easygoing because I'm always really excited, talkative and always always always thinking about too many things at once. In fact, I apologize to Olivia every time I go on a tangent (which is pretty much every time I open my mouth). She always says, "Stephanie, you're so random. You're talking about twenty things at once." If you think I talk a lot, you should see all the stuff I think about at one time!
At this point in my life, I am in a great position. I have a lot to be thankful for and I can handle stress and life in general with much more ease than I would have ever been able to before. I can roll with the punches and I know that my "worst" days now are better than my best days back then. Even though I don't stress the small stuff as much and I know that the sky isn't falling and it's not the end of world if I don't do something as well as I would have liked to, I forget to breathe. My new sense of peace and stability means nothing if I forget to breathe.
Sometimes I will notice a particularly attractive street lined with huge green trees with splashes of sunlight on the road. This is probably about the only time I breathe. Ever. Oh, and also when I listen to Norah Jones, because her music is perfect for relaxation.
I went through the day correcting my posture, paying attention to my breathing and feeling better than I can remember feeling. I was so relaxed at my internship this morning, my supervisor was probably wondering what I'd been smoking or drinking that early in the morning. With one class, Lisa, the instructor, completely changed my life. Life is so much better when you breathe! I've only been doing it for a day and the benefits are innumerable! Breathing changes your posture, your thoughts, your mood and your life. I wish someone had told me to breathe a long time ago.
Ahh, well. My mission to clear my mind of all the clutter and de-stress in healthy and positive ways is one of many goals I have just set for myself. It will be a lot of work, a big time commitment and force me to push myself a little harder, but I know it will all work out if I just breathe.
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